Online Relationships

On the article "Far Apart but Intensely Connected" a reporter tells a story of a couple that had to separate due to work obligations and kept their relationship going through telephone and online chat. Though they weren't sleeping in the same bed, they fell asleep on the phone. ;-) I found that a bit too extreme (I rather disconnect first ;-))) but that is an example of what one does with technology.

We've all heard, and read,and talked about the influence of technology in our lives but what i want to point out is that we increasingly stay connected with our friends through technology, even if they are as far as a walk across the street! I love to talk on the phone but I rarely am the one to start the conversation (a strange feeling of intrusion stops me but I love getting calls from my friends! :-)), so it's e-mail, IM and sms that keep my social networks going. And when we meet in real-space it's like we were together just yesyerday. :-) I trully love that.

Though we may not have time to do a lot out of work (for me time seems never to be enough to do all I want in the pace I want to do it, running is a constant factor), a simple sms keeps the thread intact.

However - the ease that we keep our online and offline relationships going goes both ways: it's as easy to break it off. Easier than ever.

"We'll Always Have ICQ" is a chronicle all about that. The reporter tells us of her 7 years relationship with a friend, co-worker, lover, confident - that suddenly turned into a communication blank.

She offended her friend and he cut her off. Regardless of his reasons to do so, it was the ease that he deleted her from his life that shocks the most.

He stopped replying her e-mails (filtering them straight to trash) and it took 2 min to delete her IM name from whatever IM clients they were using. She called him and he kept silent over the phone.

Though the reporter argues that the absence of physical memory that goes with online relationships makes it easy to get over with the breakup, I disagree.

I use IM for work sometimes, especially when we have teams abroad and - mea culpa - I have gone online appearing offline, or, most commonly, blocked my entire group of friends and left the work contacts see me online because I couldn't cope with all.
:-(

However sms and e-mail list are my "weapons of choice" to communicate with the ones dearest to my heart - so I find a way to be with them always.

But cutting off all communication with someone - and letting them know that you are cutting them off your lives feels to me like a death :-( A death inside, of trust broken, of friendship lost, a point of no return has been reached and what lies after that is silence, loss, nothingness - a big empty space where a dear friend, a lover, a companion used to be. Nothing can replace that. We may find other friends, share other feelings, but that one is no more... :'(

The other day I saw a friend that swore to me that didn't use IM come online and disappear instantly. that name never appeared again on my list. Undoubtably I got blocked...
The sms thread is broken too for lack of reply on that side, e-mail comes sparingly, and phone conversation is non existant. I got "the message", the message that I dreaded to get though I knew for long it was settled: the point of no return has been reached - our fading complicity is gone. "My friend, the end".

Strangely enough I got word of someone I had myself cursed into oblivion. I had deleted his IM from my clients, his mobile from my mobile, his e-mail gone! A new e-mail address, a new mobile number and a new message (one of "happy birthday") was a peace offering that seems to say "we are different people now, I'd like to see if the positive energy is still there".

I'm still in morning for my lost friendship, at least the friendship in the form I knew it, and I'm not terribly excited with the remade broken link. I'm tougher I suppose.

Life continues after death, one way or another. The pain fades, the scar remains - and we change. For better or for worse.